Brian
“From Full-Time to Freelance”
I changed jobs in 2019 after being at my then-current company for almost ten years. A former colleague had a connection with the owner of a company that was looking to fill a role similar to mine. I met with him as a courtesy because I wasn't really looking, and they were based in San Francisco; so many things were non-starters, but you never know. I met him and learned they wanted to open a New York office. So that changed the equation. It was a good opportunity to go from large ad agencies, where I had been working for the last 20 years, to a smaller place that might be a more entrepreneurial environment. A smaller agency might offer more job security, given that big ad agencies have been evolving over the last 10 to 15 years and are often downsizing.
It was a small agency owned by a guy around my age who seemed to value experience, so I made the move. The first six months were going great, and I was doing well. We were growing, and clients gave us more work than the agency had anticipated. However, problems arose as the extra work exceeded the client's pay.
Before that, the company lost two clients, and as cuts were being made in the agency, I was getting a little nervous, especially as the managing partner and chief of operations kept saying, "Right now, our costs are higher than our revenue, and we need to win another account." I was concerned because we were a very small agency of about 35 people, and I remember asking on several occasions, “How do you think we’re doing?” At the same time, the COVID-19 pandemic took hold of the economy, causing significant impact and uncertainty.
I wondered what kind of financial reserves the company had. It seemed like things were fine in the very near term, but what about beyond that? I knew the agency had a couple of new business opportunities in the pipeline. I remember thinking to myself, I hope one of those will convert. Even if it didn't take the agency to a place of growth, the extra revenue could help calm the waves while the pandemic was in full effect. We also had a few small layoffs earlier in the year; we didn't have enough work to keep people busy, so it made sense.
I had what I thought would be my weekly status call with my boss, and he said, "Today is going to be a really hard day for many people." I remember thinking, "Oh, no. What's happening, and which people?" I thought he was talking about others, but then it became clear that he was talking about me.
During the Zoom call with my boss, the HR person joined us, and I thought, "Wow, this is real." My boss was kind and said, "I never thought it would come to this, and I couldn't be happier with your work.” And I believe that was the case. I don't think he hired me, intending to steal me away from a job I had had for nine-plus years to end it nine or ten months later. But it was a huge shock to the system. The reality is that I might have been one of the higher-paid people, and before they created my role, my boss, the owner of the company, was essentially handling my role. The conversation was a blur, especially since I didn't see it coming. I've always valued having a job and have never taken it for granted. I never thought, "Oh, I'm perfectly safe."
My wife had just returned from a run when I told her what had happened, and she was like, "Wait, what?" We could not believe it. I remember where she stood, and it didn't register at first. It was surreal. I only remember a little about the conversation. But I do remember her saying, "We'll be okay. We'll be okay." I'm a worrier and always worry a lot about money, even when things are fine. Luckily my wife was self-employed, and she does okay. But still, our income was being cut in half.
Whenever something big happens in your life, I am sure we have all experienced this; you wake up, you're a little groggy, and then it hits you. You remember what happened, it's top of mind in your life, and it feels like crap. It feels like doom and dread. There were days when I woke up, and it felt like there was a cloud over me, and it would never go away. When I wasn't job searching, I felt guilty and couldn't enjoy any spare time.
My transition and transformation:
I struggled with the bad resilience factor, that ability to make your way, which I've had to do most of my life. So, it was hard to muster up that resilience and resourcefulness when you're just not feeling good about yourself, and, given the economic situation at the time, it wasn’t good. Ad agencies were and are changing. It is either becoming more in-house or a different version altogether. That's been happening for the past several years. The industry, in general, is taking a hit.
As I worked with my therapist, they reminded me, "You've had jobs, and you've been successful at them. That doesn't change now. It doesn't mean you're suddenly not hirable and your skills have disappeared." And my wife even said that when I was trying to find my first job out of school, it was probably the hardest time because I had no experience, contacts, or anything. She said, "Do you feel like you’re back there like you have no prospects?" It felt easier to focus on the things working against me. To be honest and objective, many things were working against me, but there were also things working for me.
I found tremendous value in networking. Having those connections and conversations is essential because it helps from the personal part of wanting to stay relevant. You want to have a purpose. You want to be able to contribute. And that's what you're doing with this and these calls. And you never know what it can lead to. But you also need it to fill in where you're missing that connection with people.
My introspection and my reality:
Before getting laid off, I was grateful to have a job and be in a job I could do remotely. I truly felt that way, especially as so many people lost their jobs because of the pandemic. While intellectually, I acknowledge that I was fortunate and felt for others. However, it was much different when I actually lost my job. The 'before" is sort of a feeling of "that stinks. It must be really hard for those people." But you only feel it once it hits home for you.
Regarding the sense of loss of being unemployed, I felt very disconnected and sometimes without a purpose. I’ve been working since I was 13 or 14 years old. It was an odd feeling being laid off, but being in quarantine from the pandemic made it a little better because people were not out and about going to work as usual. I knew so many people who lost their jobs during the pandemic. There were reports of over 30,000 people in the advertising industry alone. Knowing colleagues still working at my old company was hard because they were going along with their jobs and business as usual, but I was no longer a part of it. There was anger, and I felt like I got a raw deal. I was angry with my old boss when I thought about how bad the job market was then. Logically, I could put the pieces together and could make a good business case for why they let me go, but it felt like a kick in the gut to have been recruited for the role; I left a longstanding job — all for it to end in less than a year. And it felt especially cruel for them to have done this in the middle of awful economic conditions, knowing that it would be hard for me to find another job immediately.
Being without a job strips you of your sense of self. People frequently say you aren’t defined by your job, or at least it shouldn't be. But the reality is that most of us are defined by what we do. When we meet someone new, it's one of the first things that comes up. "So, what do you do for a living?" For me, it wasn't really about being embarrassed; It was more about a feeling like I was an outsider looking in. It was business as usual but without me.
Where are they now?
It was the early months of the pandemic when Brian got laid off. It took him about four months of active searching, applying, and networking before he made any noteworthy progress. There were many frustrations along the way, including jobs where he was told he finished second in the running. There were also dozens of job applications and phone conversations that didn't lead anywhere. Slowly, things started to happen. It took a lot of persistence and networking, but Brian began getting freelance work in the late summer of 2020. Initially, it was small projects and very part-time. Then, he started to get more work and found more clients. Ultimately, he found a new way of working as a full-time freelancer. He shared that it's a different way of life than being a full-time employee, but he’s gotten used to it and has made many new connections along the way. Brian is still open to a full-time role, but working as a freelancer has gone better than he imagined. He is looking forward to seeing where things go.
