Krista
“Age 50 and Laid Off, What?”
When it happened, I was completely gob-smacked. The day before, I was scheduled to have my six-month review with my boss, but she switched the meeting time around the day before. The invite was also extended to the VP of HR and her boss. I wrote to her, saying, "This is a very different meeting and doesn't sound like a six-month review. What's happening?" and there was no response. I knew something was up.
I got on the call with the three of them, and my boss said, "We are letting you go, and you're going to be terminated, and you can talk to HR about this. We will excuse ourselves, and then you two can talk." I was shocked and surprised and said, "On what grounds?" She said, "This is an at-will state, and I don't have to give you a reason." And I thought, "Okay, this is shocking."
I know about at-will coming from California and had no idea that the District of Columbia is also an at-will district. I was still surprised that there was not a reason. I kept thinking, why am I being let go? What's happening? Any kind of feedback would have been fantastic. I knew about at-will; however, I didn't know it was so severe and that they don't, by law, must give a reason; hence, at-will. It’s funny how it works the opposite way when you give notice yourself; there's a courtesy of providing a two-week notice, which isn't mandated by law, but there's a courtesy for employees, and that same courtesy is not expected from employers.
The VP of HR and I talked. I was quite calm, which is my normal state. I was shocked for sure, but I wasn't upset. I was cool, calm, and collected, which she noticed. She said, "You seem so very collected and calm." And I said, "Well, I wasn't expecting this at all, and I am glad I am leaving this organization." Then we talked about severance, of which I was given a month's pay. This layoff was put in my lap, and I had some control over it. How would it be communicated, and how long did I want to stay? I didn't want to leave tomorrow knowing I would get paid through the end of the month. This happened around mid-month. Did I want to stay on until the end of the month? Or did I want to leave immediately? What's my story going to be? What am I going to say? I was one of the first in a series of layoffs, and I decided to stay for three weeks partially because I just felt like sticking it to them. I knew there was an uncomfortable space that people sit in when they've done something like this. And I thought, well, I'm just going to make them uncomfortable and sit in that for two weeks [laughter]. It was great!
I was also pissed off because it came from nowhere. I had a good relationship with these people. I thought we were on the same team. And here's the kicker: I had never received any negative feedback about my performance. This wasn’t the usual route of being required to go on a performance improvement plan. So, it seems it was not based on performance, and I will never know because it's an at-will termination. Oh, I was mad! Not only was I working for these people, but I was friendly with them, and we had respect for each other, so I thought. I felt gratitude that I had a partner who was the breadwinner so I could maintain our lifestyle.
Here's what I want to share with you. We feel like we're in control all the time, and this wasn't in my control, and it really threw me for a loop. I'm the one who has the power to leave; I have a say over my job. I have never been laid off, fired, or put on a performance improvement plan. I was really shocked that this could happen to me. It is an interesting lesson; at any time, this can all be taken away from you for no reason or reason. However, you will never know. When you receive feedback on why you are being laid off, you can process it differently, have some closure, and leave knowing, "Well, it's not anything that I did, and I wasn't let go because of performance or cause. I was let go because of certain circumstances." But I had no information in this situation, so how does one gain closure in a situation like this when you truly don't know why?
It's okay and important to grieve and feel upset, angry, scared, and sad when something like this happens. I thought these feelings needed a timeframe: one day, one week, two weeks, whatever I needed, and then I let it go. I accepted that I would never know the answer. So, I moved on and focused on the positive.
My messaging to the organization for my departure was – that I decided to leave. I put myself in the power seat. Why this organization would ever let the employee decide baffles me. Why? It gives you a little idea of how badly managed this place is. So, I told that story for three weeks. Then, the same two people who had fired me said to the staff, "We're going to celebrate you and do all this stuff." And I thought, no, you're not. I emailed them separately and said, "You will NOT celebrate me. This isn't a celebration, and the fact that you would suggest this is ridiculous." I took a form of control over the narrative that was happening in those last three weeks because I had nothing to lose. I wanted to be bold and let them know exactly how I felt and what I wanted. They, in turn, had no power to reply because we were all under a gag order. I wrapped up my projects, and I happily left.
It's funny because once you're let go and then you stay for a period of time, it's really hard because now you have to show up every day, do your job, and they expect you to be there doing work. Imagine all the emotions one has when they have been laid off but are showing up every day to continue doing their job, knowing, "You guys don't want me here, and I'm still coming every day," be it your choice or not. "Every day, I've got to get up and go to work for the next two, three weeks. And I know that they've let me go. They don't want me here anymore," and reconciling that. My boss once said, "Why are you in this meeting? You should be doing your reporting and not here." I said, "I'm part of this team until September 31st, so I will be in this meeting and every other meeting on my calendar from here on out." It felt good to say, "No, I'm staying here. You don't get to treat me that way." BAD management in action.
After my layoff, it was rest and recovery:
After I wrapped up my last day, I went to the beach the following weekend with my kids. I felt free. It was about the opening, breathing, deep exhaling, and saying, "All right." It was so positive and promising for me, like, "Oh, look at that, I get to do something new now, a new position. I wasn't expecting that. Of course, about a week after I wrapped up my job, I felt a little scared, like, "Oh shit," the honeymoon's over with the feeling free, and now I really need to start looking for jobs and being serious.
I started to focus on myself. I started eating healthier, exercising, staying positive, and finding my power – my center. I then started working with a career coach. That work was thinking about where I wanted to go and what to do next. This all happened a few months before my 50th birthday. This is the other part of this story that is important to discuss—being laid off at age 50! That presented an entirely different set of feelings and emotions. It was an interesting experience to add to my life story, one that I hadn’t imagined, and I tried to stay positive and open to what it meant. I would now add being laid off to my life list. This happens to so many individuals, and now it happened to me!
When working, we lose track of what we want to do personally, our hobbies, and our passions because we work five days a week and have families seven days a week. I could re-center and focus on what I had not been able to get to. It is about setting boundaries and maintaining them. We establish different routines when we are not working, and when we go back to work, we must commit to continuing with what we have created for ourselves. You need to make yourself a priority - yoga, eating healthy, whatever it is that is important to you. The re-centering taught me that I want to work somewhere I feel valued, and moving forward, I will go to work, do my job, and not be personally invested in it. I have a full life outside of work.
How do you move forward after a layoff?
Find the strength not to be scared, address it, and talk about it. I have done that. Finding common ground with someone who says, "I’ve been laid off too,” makes you feel better and realize it’s not just me! That's the wonderful thing about discussing embarrassing or uncomfortable things; you will find that you are not alone. So, talk about it! You must not be afraid to say, "Oh, I was laid off." When leaders say, “Yeah, I went through this, and I’ve been fired,” or you hear someone say, “Yeah. I have failed numerous times, but on the 10th time, it was successful.” They are destigmatizing failure. We need to reframe the narrative, take it away from the negative, and say, yeah, this happened to me, and guess what, it's happened to hundreds of millions of Americans. So, it's okay! We also must change how we discuss being laid off. We must change the questions that we are asking people and change our interest in who people are.
What I have learned about myself:
I knew it before, but it was hammered home with this entire experience that I was calm, cool, and collected in a time of uncertainty. I was diplomatic and more professional than I expected. I'm the same person professionally as I am personally, and I am proud of that. I handled the situation very well. I kept thinking, oh, I’m mature; I have finally matured [laughter] professionally, and it's because this happened at my age and my experience. I guess it takes being half a century to feel grown up! I feel good about that and where I am now. I've earned my stripes, scars, everything about me, and they are mine, and no one can take them away. I own, celebrate, and honor all of it.
Where are they now?
Looking back on this, Krista is so glad it happened. She realized what a toxic environment it was, so it’s good that she left. It taught her not to take her secure employment and paycheck for granted in the future and to be grateful for having a job, especially one you like!
